One year ago today...
August 17th, 2004
... I broke my back. It was definitely the worst event in my life so far, saved only by the fact that it could have been much, much worse.
After the terror of thinking I might not be able to walk, the pain of the accident and operation I started on a long recovery period, which is far from finished yet. It was a grim situation, there’s no denying that. However, for a reason I cannot figure out, I sometimes look back at my time in hospital and the early recovery period afterwards with fond memories. Perhaps it just reminds me of how lucky I really was and of how much worse it all could have turned out. I don’t want to forget my thoughts and emotions at the time, part of the reason I’m trying to write some of them down here. I really don’t want to forget just how painful and scary it was. My thoughts still go out to some of the people I met at the Spinal Unit, especially Joey, the lad from Arbroath who was involved in another kiting accident just a few weeks before me. He was not as fortunate as me.
A few months ago my flatmate asked me if I thought any good had come from me breaking my back. I was quick to answer “no”, but on reflection I’ve been trying to draw as many positives from the experience as possible. The whole thing was very grounding as my life was quickly shoved into perspective. Kiting and all the little things that I had focused so much energy on suddenly didn’t matter. I realised how trivial it all was and how I had taken so many important things in my life for granted. In hospital and the months afterwards I had plenty time to think about family, friends and myself. Over the winter I stayed at home in Haddington with my parents while I started to recover and I now feel even closer to them than before. I appreciate how how great they really are and how much they’ve helped me, not just in the last year. They really are brilliant people.
Cheesy as it sounds, I also found out a lot about myself. In hospital, it dawned on me how selfish it can be to just do sport to the exclusion of a lot of other things. After I had started to recover a reasonable amount, I started to live a relatively normal (read: not into sport) life. It was really interesting to suddenly have lots of time, with nothing to be overly passionate about, much like many other people appear to me to live. Things are changing back again now, but it was good to have a completely different perspective on things for a while. Does this mean I’m going to take a different approach to things like sport? On the outside I doubt it will appear like I have, but I feel it has matured me a little.
I’ve also found out a lot more about how I deal with injuries, both physically and mentally. I’m certain that I can cope better with them now than in the past, but is this because I’m more mature or just because I’m more experienced at getting injured? The recovery has been a much slower and harder proccess that I imagined. Although I have broken a few bones before, I wasn’t really prepared for how much the injury was to take out of me. It’s not just back pain that you need to content with – your entire body gets pounded and your general strength and fitness take a real beating. I’ve been finding it particuarly hard not to do too much too soon (I’ve been having some troubles with my knee from over-cycling). However, my fitness is starting to come together again, albeit pretty slowly. I’m looking forward to getting out biking more and more over the winter, starting kitesurfing again and improving at surfing once the autumn swells start to kick in.
Kiting, in particular, will be interesting – will I remember what to do? Will I get scared? Will I have calmed down at all? In answer to the last question – almost certainly. After all, with hindsight it was obvious one of us was going to get hurt sooner or later! Of course, the flipside of this is that it’s the perfect opportunity to think up something new and take a different approach to the whole thing and I’m really excited about that.
Last week I had my final appointment with the hospital and was discharged from the Spinal Unit out-patients. My bones have more or less healed fully now (although they will still get stronger over the next year), and I’m feeling better than I have for a long, long time. Now, if someone can just arrange some sunshine, wind and waves for every day that I’m off work, everything will be all good!
August 24th, 2004 at 01:19 AM
Mate,
Was good to see you in the arena again.
(Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And NEVER mix up your right foot with your left?!)
All the best.
Dee
August 24th, 2004 at 01:07 PM
“Cheesy as it sounds, I also found out a lot about myself.”
everybody else already knew.
Glad to hear you are well
January 25th, 2005 at 11:22 PM
hi.. i got in a car accident on july 20 04 i have a broken back.. my car was totalled .. a cute little yellow bug.. i miss my car.. i miss alot of things.. but mostly my old self.. its time to find a new beginning and i am moving forward now.. the doctor tells me that the bone will not heal.. compressed fracture.. does any one know of any one in sandiego that can help me.. a specialist a chyropractor that can help relieve pain… will the pain around the broken area aventually go away?? i still have to have a brace on after about 3 hours.. every day is different.. but it seems i can last about 3 hours till having to brace for awhile… isnt funny how life just has different twists and turns.. i was a media makeup artist.. very involved in making people beautiful.. i was so busy no time for freinds and family .. i had to grow my business.. and now look.. its my friends and family that are what i most love and cherish.. it is family that is there for me.. it is family and friends that should be given the attention .. not materialistic nonsense.. i mean its fun to have great things… but your materialistic stuff and job that you feel defines you .. its not there when you are suffering… i know who is there for me now.. and who is not.. nothing like a tramatic situation in your life to show you who and what is important… wow…....... thankyou for your comments and help … makeupsos7@aol.com
June 4th, 2005 at 10:30 PM
after i fell of my swing onto my back it started to hurt alot when i run or jump is it broken or just bruised?
July 11th, 2005 at 07:15 PM
“One year ago today….” (why does that sound familiar??) Today is my 1 year “anniversary” of the worst day of my life. I am not sure how I will mark this momentous occasion; however, I was thinking that I would think about how lucky I am to be alive and walking for starters. Mark, your blog has been such a great help in keeping my spirits up and reading everyone’s stories is surprisingly reassuring. One year ago, well, up until about 5 months ago, I didn’t think I would ever be “better” and back to “normal”. But it is and I am, as much as possible considering all the metal I am hauling around in my back. Thank you Mark and thank you to everyone for sharing. It really does help.
July 15th, 2005 at 01:16 PM
Congratulations Meredith! Keep digging in there, the recovery keeps going for a while yet and life continues coming back to you. :)
I still find thinking about the recovery amazing. I remember very well the pain and depression. It’s a long, slow road and you just don’t feel like you can get better, but you do. I’m glad your life is showing signs of getting back to normal. One milestone for me was when I realised that I hadn’t thought about my back for a whole day. That was the sign that things might get to the stage where it’s not my primary concern all the time.
When I started writing about this, it didn’t even cross my mind that other people would find it useful, I was just bored and wanted to write about it. But people do seem to and it seems that the more stories people tell, the greater the snowball effect. A bit of a happy accident really and, strangely, it’s now probably one of the largest collections of broken back stories on the web!
July 20th, 2005 at 01:20 AM
For Amber in San Diego, and any other sufferers of pain…I compress/blast fractured L1 snowboarding, had a 3 vertibra fusion and 5 vertibra support rods (which are coming out in 6mos!!!) My stiffness and pain has been helped tremendously by acupuncture and herbs. There is Pacific College of Oriental Medicine in SD. Given all the bills that acru it is nice to have access to affordable treatments. The herbs help my muscles to relax, and relearn how to do that themselves..as opposed to becoming addicted to pharmaceutical muscle relaxers. I encourage all to look for alternative support. Some of which I’ve enjoyed are Feldencrais (for PT), Cranio-sacral (for reconnecting the spine/chord energy flow), and much nutritional support for anti-inflammation, calcium support, etc. SURGEONS DON’T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!! They can be great at what they do but the rest is up to us..Good luck to all, Namaste.